


Unraveled

by writellings



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Blood, Bokuaka - Freeform, Cutting, Depression, Haikyuu - Freeform, M/M, Suicide Attempt, and whatever goes along with that, happy end, i don't really know what else to put but those are the warnings, sads
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-28
Updated: 2015-09-28
Packaged: 2018-04-23 20:59:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4892038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writellings/pseuds/writellings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Keiji’s breath caught in his throat and his hands clenched at his sides and he felt his heart fall to pieces. He thought that he heard crashing; like a mirror breaking and the glass fell to his feet, unraveled."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unraveled

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever haikyuu!! fic, I really hope you enjoy it.  
> warning: blood, angst, depression, read at your own risk.
> 
> EDIT: some minor stuff was fixed as per [moami](http://moami.tumblr.com/)'s advice. Thank you so much for all the help ♥

 

When Keiji was three years old he met a strange boy on the playground behind his house. The boy told him that people could fly, and when he refused to believe it, the boy told him about planes. Since then, Keiji wanted nothing more than to fly.

When he was six years old and afraid of going to school for the first time, the same boy, who was now a semi-constant in Keiji’s life, told him that he could hold his hand if it would make him feel better. Keiji gritted his teeth so they wouldn’t chatter and held his breath so he wouldn’t cry and he held onto the boy’s hand so he wouldn’t feel alone.

Keiji had just turned fourteen when his parents told him they were no longer in love, and he felt like his world came crumbling at his feet. When he told his best friend about it, he smiled and said that it would be okay. They watched movies all night and didn’t talk.

When Koutaro turned sixteen, Keiji felt his heart sink to his feet and his eyes sting with tears he never dared to cry. He looked at the boy who taught him to fly and saw his wings wither and break; he looked at the boy who held his hand when he was scared and saw the scars he’d been hiding from him. He thought that he heard crashing; like a mirror breaking and the glass fell to his feet, unraveled.

It was the first time he saw Koutaro cry – tears fell freely from his eyes like waterfalls and Keiji knew they were hot, because he had been sad before. And he didn’t know what to say now, even though Koutaro always knew what to say to him. So he held his shaking shoulders and let him stain the shirt he wore, and he didn’t say a word when his friend choked on his name.

 

 

 

Koutaro was always smiling – even when no one else was laughing, he was loud and energetic, even when there was nothing to look forward to, he clapped his hands and jumped excitedly; even when the room fell silent, he could still be heard.

Koutaro always seemed happy – even when he got a bad grade and knew he would get in trouble for it, even when he fought with teachers and classmates because he talked too loud and they didn’t understand; even when he was sad.

Keiji watched his friend, realizing little by little that he didn’t know him at all. He noticed that Koutarou sighed when he thought nobody is looking, and how his hands sometimes shook under the desk and how his lip trembled lightly, like he had something to say but couldn't muster up the courage.

Inchmeal, Keiji found that he didn’t know his friend at all. He still listened to the stories the other boy told him, all the while knowing they were only stories. He still tossed him the ball and patronized him when he pouted, wanting only to hold him and comfort him and tell him that it’s okay. Eventually, he saw Koutaro’s mask slip from his face – he had no energy left at the end of the day, he had no more smiles to spare, no more words to say.

He never looked him in the eye anymore and he struggled with people, like he didn’t know what to tell them anymore – like he was too tired to pretend.

In the end, he looked pale and lost and incomplete, but no one seemed to notice, and Keiji didn’t say anything, hoping he was imaging it; wishing it would go away. But there was no denying his friend’s tired eyes or his fading efforts at everything, even volleyball. There was no denying that he was sinking below surface and again, Keiji didn’t know what to say.

 

 

Keiji’s breath caught in his throat and his hands clenched at his sides and he felt his heart fall to pieces. The boy he'd known his whole life – the boy who could fly – lay in a pool of his own blood on his bedroom floor. He stood, horrified, frozen in place for endless moments before he willed his feet to move. Koutarou’s hand was cold in his own and he dreaded what he wouldn’t feel if he searched for a pulse. Before he could move his fingers though, his friend looked at him, red-eyed and broken but alive.

Koutaro breathed his name, for the numberless time, and finally Keiji heard him. “I’m here, it’s alright,” he managed, and his friend smiled a broken smile. Keiji saw in his eyes that he didn’t believe him, that he thought he would leave and abandon him. “I’m not going anywhere, Kou, I’m going to help you.”

He felt Koutaro’s blood on his hands and he wanted to cry for him, and he wished he knew what to say.

“I’m sorry about this, I’m sorry – god, I’m so stupid –“ Koutaro’s cry echoed between them.

“Why, Kou? Why would you do this?” Koutaro looked at him, really looked at him, for the first time in months. His eyes were deep and dark and hollow.

“Why not?” he asked. “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t have done this. Do you know how broken I feel? You have no idea what it’s like to wake up every day wishing you hadn’t. You have no idea how much it hurts to laugh and smile and pretend like everything is fine when all you want to do is run away from the dark, but you can’t, because it’s you.”

“Do you know what it’s like, Keiji, to feel lonely in a crowded room? Or to constantly be looking for an escape, knowing that you can’t escape yourself? So, please, tell me why I shouldn’t do this?” he was crying again and barely breathing, and once again, Keiji didn’t know what to say. He felt helpless sitting there, and for the first time he understood how Koutarou must feel.

“Does it always feel like this? So lonesome and horrible?” 

Koutaro looked away, toward his hands. “No, not always.” He lifted his gaze a bit to look at Keiji. “Not when I’m with you.”

 

 

When Keiji was seventeen he saw blood trail down his best friend’s hands and he saw the scars on his wrists and the ones he hid behind his eyes.

He saw the little boy who pretended to be strong so he wouldn’t break. He saw the boy who faked his smiles and laughed too loud so he would quiet down the voices in his head. He saw the boy he fell in love with long before he knew what love meant. And he finally knew what to say.

“I love you,” Koutaro whispered his name and cried and smiled an honest smile.

 

By the time Keiji was eighteen, everything would be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and cudos are always appreciated - I'd love to hear from you! ♥ you can also find me on my [twitter](https://twitter.com/saudadaes) and [Tumblr](http://nonbinaryedward.tumblr.com/)


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